Valve hires convicts and retards to operate Steam's website

Not convicts or retards.

Convicts and retards.

Both.

See, my plight begins with Steam: It's mysteriously broken. I chalk it up to the innumerable bugs cropping up in my copy of Vista (something I will talk about another time). It's been broken for a few months, but I haven't been bothered to look into it since, for the past few months, the release of Episode Two hasn't been imminent.

So, sometime last week, I registered at Steam Support and submitted my complaint, detailing the error message which pops up whenever I try to run Steam (unknown software exception, whatever the hell that means). And, well, the bastards still haven't gotten around to looking at it. Two possible explanations: Steam is so fucked up that they've been doing tech support for absolutely everybody who uses it, or they sit around all day jacking off to Alyx hentai.

On the advice of a colleague, I decide to register at the forums and ask my question there. Unfortunately, whenever I log in, it goes on to inform me that I MUST BE LOGGED IN TO VIEW THAT PAGE. Haha! Great fun! Fortunately, things work fine in Internet Explorer (I use Opera, superior to IE and its corporateness and Firefox and its fadness). Well, not fine exactly, since the forums don't have a search feature! Brilliant! How am I supposed to ascertain if anybody else has had my problem, apart from sifting through 60 pages of threads?

In conclusion, Steam is full of shit because it has its head stuck up its ass.