My Uberly Uberly Spoilerrific Thoughts on Deathly Hallows

SRSLY, DO NOT READ SPOILERS FOLLOW





1. Hermione was like, "You taste better than Crabbe and Goyle, Harry." (She's referring to his penis).

2. Hory clap, they killed Hedwig and Mad-Eye Moody like right off the bat.

3. The second fourth of the book was boring as hell, as it mainly consisted of Harry bumbling around in the forest and occasionally falling into a trap.

4. A shame about Tonks, and Lupin, and Fred.

5. "The battle for Helms Deep is over. The Battle for Hogwarts has just begun." (And was awesome).

6. I think Ollivander molested Luna while they were both in captivity.

7. Snape's revelation in his memories was uber sad. I seriously misted up.

8. I also misted up when Dobby died.

9. At first, I wasn't part of the camp that said "Harry is a Horcrux!" because that would have been fucking stupid. But I guess JK managed to not screw it up.

10. Peeves fought the Death Eaters. Whee!

11. Yay! Percy luvs his family again!

12. In this book, Voldemort was like a combination of Agent Smith and Darth Vader (minus the wussy Anakin part).

13. Neville, naturally, kicked ass. He slew the final Horcrux, assailed the Death Eaters with plants, and proceeded to become a teacher in Hogwarts, so that he could repeatedly sex up Moaning Myrtle. (HEY IT COULD HAPPEN).

14. I was sad that the sentient car never showed up again.

15. I totally guessed that the eye Harry was seeing was Dumbledore's brother.

16. Oh! Speaking of Dumbledore! I love how the book totally admitted that he was a huge jerk and a complete failure.

17. I noticed a recurring theme was Harry's shit getting busted -- the Firebolt, Hedwig, the Mirror of Angst...srsly a bad theme.

18. I liked how he and Dudley had gay sex in the second chapter.

19. It would have been nice if Voldemort chose the remorse option.

20. When Ron and Hermoine kissed, I was like "FUCKING FINALLY."

I've started a new deadlog!

http://survival-humor.livejournal.com/

(This is the part where I'd tell what a deadlog is, but all one or two of my readers already know, so meh).

Magically Delicious

I just sent this letter to General Mills:

I would like to know if your company ever intends to produce a 'marshmallows only' version of Lucky Charms. I enjoy Lucky Charms very much, but the non-marshmallow bits have declared war on deliciousness. Even if you do not currently plan to create a marshmallows-only version of Lucky Charms, please consider it. I do not have nearly enough condensed sugar in my life.

It started out totally serious, but then it turned into a satire on how insanely unhealthy my stupid idea is.

I'd still totally buy it, though.

Haha wow

Apparently, Vanilla Ice lives in Monroe, Michigan.

Did I ever mention that I'm basically ten minutes away from there?

I almost want to meet him to say something asinine.

Awesome Alert

1-18-08: http://www.apple.com/trailers/paramount/11808/

It looks like an awesome combination of The Blair Witch Project and Godzilla. I can't freaking wait.

Oh also my knee bent sideways yesterday and I'll be trying to see a doctor about that later today.